To-Not-Do List

I love the illusion of being able to do it all, and I'm fascinated by people who seem to do that, who have challenging careers and beautiful homes and vibrant minds and well-tended abs. To these people I ask: Do you offer private lessons?

One of my core fears is that someone would think that I can't handle as much as the next person. It's fundamental to my understanding of myself for me to be the strong one, the capable one, the busy one, the one who can bail you out, not make a fuss, bring a meal, add a few more things to the list. For me, everything becomes a lifestyle. Everything is an addiction. Not only do I want to do everything, though; I want to do it better than everyone else.

I went to coffee with a friend of mine a week ago. She's beautiful, older, and very, very wise. I was talking with her about my frustrations about life and how I wasn't doing all what I was hoping to accomplish in my twenties. She could see straight through my motivations. She said it's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What is hard is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about. Money, friends, beautiful clothes, a 40-hour work week: what will it be?

In the spirit of that sentiment, I celebrate here the glory of things I refuse to do and not feel bad about. Because, let's be honest, we need to say no way more often than we do. And I'm learning to be okay with that.

THINGS THAT I DO

I listen to people--friends, older women at church, the homeless man standing next to my car on the exit ramp, the attractive barista at Park Avenue Coffee--because I believe above all that people need to feel like they are heard and understood and not alone.

I love to cook and grocery shop. If you'd let me, I'd do this for you because it brings me joy to create and share in the kitchen, no matter how long it takes.

I read books, a lot of books. And always at least three at once because you never know what genre might sound good before bedtime.

I refuse to give up my caffeine habit (well, for now). Diet Coke and coffee are such a simple pleasure that I have that can truly brighten my day. I also drink lots of Nalgenes of water. Hydration is the fuel.

I often wear clothes more than once before I wash them again. Dishes, however, I wash within an hour of using them.

Often, I wear yoga pants and pretend that other people don't know that I'm wearing my pajamas in public.

And I watch people. I really hope that they don't realize that I'm watching them. Learning about people comes from observing--a lot.


THINGS I DON'T DO

I do not mow the lawn. I do not flower garden, nor do I care much about either. Landscaping is an enigma to me.

I don't like watching TV. Don't get me wrong, I like Netflix, but TV actually makes me nauseous.

I do not floss every day. Or every other day. I'm lucky if I floss once every other week.

I do not shave more than a few times from about October through March. I do not feel any shame about this. It takes way too much time in the shower. If you're grossed out, ask yourself why.

I do not shower every day.

I do not make my bed. Ever. It's going to get messed up in less than 24 hours. Seriously.

I do not match socks.

I do not change the oil in my car when I should. It's always 300 miles overdue. I also don't wash my car. Cars are silly. I really wish I didn't have to own one.

I think sleeping eight hours a night is silly.

I do not knit, sew, cross stitch, crochet, or whatever the hell you call it. I have better things to do like run or write letters or bake cookies.

Following professional sports to me sounds like a great way to meet men, but that's about all the good it does me. I love baseball and the Olympics, but that's about it.